You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
