Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
