We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
