It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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