She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
