dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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