I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
