Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
