I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
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I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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