Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
