Are we in a gay sports bar?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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