I want to walk on stilts...naked
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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