Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
