Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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