Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
