At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
