I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
i've created a new STD.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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