I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
