Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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