i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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