Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
