and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
