Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
