why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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