My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
