Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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