i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
