if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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