Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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