I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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