I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
