Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
