dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
