He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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