Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize