It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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