It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
