Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
