is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why do cheetos always look like penises
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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