so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
