Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
