Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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