i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
