just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
