I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
