Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
