apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
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I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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