i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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