Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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