Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Randomize
