I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
