I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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