I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
