There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
operation harelip BJ is a go
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
