Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
