well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
