I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
