I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
two words: eviction party
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
