I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
