I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
