I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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