Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
