I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
