I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
