There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
