her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
