So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
