Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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