Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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