remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
