I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
