Plan B is the new Plan A
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
