if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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