why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
