i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
