Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
