Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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