Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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