i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
