It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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