Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
